Gwyneth Paltrow is taking time to think ahead of her 50th birthday.
The actress has arrived Instagram on Thursday to share a black and white photo of herself in a bikini while directing her followers to a link with a personal essay about Goop she wrote. You can ch-ch-ch-see the great post (below):
Related: Gwyneth says she’s not missing out on acting – but will be back for a reason!
Gearing up for her big birthday on September 27, Gwyneth looks back at the past 5 decades in a lengthy post. While Iron Man The star wrote how she was “strange” [has] there is no sense of the passage of time”, she recognizes the natural physical changes that come with age, calling her body “timeless inferiority” and “the proof map of all days” :
“A collection of signs and anomalies catches the attention of the chapters. A scar from an oven burn, a finger that was broken through a window long ago, when giving birth to a child. Gray hair and wrinkles. The sun left her clear fingerprints all over me, as if she’d soaked a brush in dark watercolor, brushing over my skin.”
Gwyneth went on to say that although she does everything she can to stay healthy, she has decided to accept her body and give up her constant desire for perfection:
“And while I do what I can to strive for good health and longevity, to prevent muscle weakness and bone retraction, I have a mantra that I put into my reckless thoughts. That field tries to deflect me: I accept. I accept lines and loose skin, wrinkles. I accept my body and let go of the need to be perfect, look perfect, defy gravity, defy logic, defy humanity. I accept my humanity.”
That’s right, girl! We’re so happy to hear that Gwyneth is embracing her own skin!
But aside from reflecting on her appearance, Glee alum is also emotional about the mistakes she’s made in the past, saying this next stage in her life requires “mastering” and “praying I’ve learned from them all.” She continued:
“My fault, which lives in the dark, slippery and dark, is harder to identify. Not because I don’t know what they are, but because we hide them from the logs. … I’ve hurt people before, never intentionally, but I’ve done the same. I let people down by not being the person they needed me to be. I betrayed myself to keep the peace. I crossed the line, thoughts sometimes tore me out of my sleep and plunged me into the depths of shame on a long, dark night. “
Despite all that, Gwyneth notes that her biggest regret in life to date has been keeping quiet about “my truth” for so many years:
“Unfortunately, and often, I failed to speak my truth to avoid some of the perceived consequences, that hurting someone would break both of us. My most enduring mistakes and the mess that came with them all stemmed from me not fully standing on my facts and speaking out from there, what could have happened. Saying the right words may not leave behind seasons of heartache and consequences. No. This doesn’t work for me. Your expectations do not match. Your behavior is inappropriate. This relationship no longer works for me. This project is not suitable for me. You are no longer a match for me.”
However, Shakespeare in love the star doesn’t believe in going back in time to correct these mistakes because “every one of those sleepless hours stemmed from one of the violations of self or others that led to something.” But going forward, she wants herself to “slow down”, “retreat a bit”, apologize to “anyone who has had a negative experience with me”, but more importantly, finally accept the your mistake:
“I fully acknowledge myself. I’m not perfect, I can shut down and get cold, I’m impatient, I swear at other drivers, I don’t close cupboard doors, I lie when I don’t want to hurt feelings. I am also generous and funny. I am smart and brave. I am a seeker, and I can take you with me on my quest for meaning. When I love you, I will feel it envelop you through time, space and to the ends of the earth. I am all of it”.
And at the end of the day, she concluded in the post:
“I really won’t know how it feels until I turn 50 until much later, when I can look back from a taller perch, perhaps in one of their 50s, hearts are full and broken at the same time (that’s life).”
A beautiful and poignant message from Gwyneth. React, longtime readers? Let us know in the comments section. You can also read her entire work HERE.
[Image via Gwyneth Paltrow/Instagram]