This ‘Below Deck Med’ Boatmance Is Already Too Cringey to Watch

Under the Mediterranean deck It’s back on, honey. In the ocean of new TV I right see — daydream FBoy Island, Nathan Fielder’s New HBO Comedya review of Glee mind Lea Michele’s early days began after Funny girl-once again, Under Deck Med came to the fore, extremely important.

I watch Under Deck Med so that I can gossip without any consequences, so that I can feel like I’m drifting on a sea far from my roughly 300-square-foot apartment in NYC, and most of all, to boatman. Oh, to be sailing in cramped cabins under the beautiful red lights of an unobtrusive camera. It is every girl’s dream.

Fortunately, Season 7 of Under Deck Med cuts straight to a boat in the first episode. Instantly, sparks flew between Head Stew Natasha Webb and Chef David White. They are awkward. They are crazy. They don’t really know how to flirt, but their libidos do high. I can’t wait to see what happens next.

(Warning: Spoilers ahead for the first two episodes of Under the Mediterranean deckboth are available to watch on Peacock.)

Except Captain Sandy yawns and the Mzi Dempers deck, Under Deck Med refreshed its entire cast. There’s always the possibility of an Aesha or a Malian coming back, but right now, we’re all having a hard time learning new names and choosing new lovers and enemies. What’s helpful is that Natasha and David have known each other from previous tenants, making them seem familiar to each other and thus easier to watch.

Somethings like that. I wouldn’t say that Natasha and David seem particularly comfortable with each other, as they flirt like two high schoolers in a movie. Music man. They know people are watching. They know they have to kiss. But inches away from the act of cuddling, they instead avoided each other with bizarre dirty talk.

“Do you want to twist?” she asked him very early. He chuckled like a grandfather and nodded. And this is not a suggestive nod. This is, “Sure, why not?” nodding style.

“You’ll really like it when I’m naked,” she said at another point. Literally.

Later in the episode, Natasha goes so far as to tell the camera crew that she hate single, she always wants a boyfriend, and she only broke up with her most recent lover.

HEY GUYS! You guys are clearly meant for each other. While I wanted to scream, “Just admit it!” at my TV, I can’t deny the fact that I’m thoroughly enjoying this Will-They-Will-No-Them mess. I may not be a Bachelor contestant, but my flirting isn’t this bad.

The tension escalates rapidly in the second episode, in which Natasha grows weary of all the antics. She wants to have the sailing stats, and I can’t blame the woman. Cleaning up the kitchen, Natasha stepped out into the light and picked up a swing from the deck. David was stunned. He lurks in the corners of the yacht, peering around the walls like a schoolboy anxiously stalking his beloved at recess. Just talk to her, man.

The rest of the crew is confused. Aren’t Natasha and David the yacht’s mom and dad? Instead of chatting amongst themselves or asking Natasha about running away, the second bunker (yes, there are two of them, waiting for that bomb’s demotion!) confronts David, who of course is an emotional shipwreck. While I was very disappointed with his lack of gameplay, it turned out that Natasha was the villain.

During a confessional, David revealed that Natasha actually insisted that he keep quiet about their affair – because she was in a relationship when they started hanging out on the other boat. Credit Scrolls to Episode 2. Natasha!!!

There are sure to be plenty of other sailing scenes waiting for us in this new season. One of the stews had her eyeing a deck of “super-fit” cards (every time a cabin crew member says someone looks “fit”, drink your espresso martini) and a another really touches lips with a guest. Sandy was very angry about that. Recall!

But let’s not forget the early days, “you’ll literally love it when I’m naked,” the days of Natasha and David. Here’s hoping that their flirting never ripens and their sex drive never wanes. Too bad this couple has ready do not track each other on Instagram.

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