[Warning: Potentially Triggering Content]
More than five months have passed since the country music legend lost his pain Naomi Judd – and her daughter and musical partner Wynonna Judd Still don’t understand her death.
The singer died by suicide just a day before she and her daughter were placed in Nashville’s Country Music Hall of Fame. The 76-year-old has openly battled mental illness and speaks openly about fighting heroically for her mental health in the years leading up to her tragic death.
Back in late September, Wynonna confessed CBS Sunday Morning She was very angry because she couldn’t help. And while The Judds Star knows her mom is struggling with her mental health, she explains that she’s looked back on the situation and wondered if there were any signs she missed:
“I didn’t know she was where she was when she ended it. Because she’s had previous episodes and she’s gotten better. And that’s what I’m living for, is there anything I should be looking for? Or should I know I didn’t? “
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Now, in a new interview with People on Wednesday, the 58-year-old is expressing confusion around her grief – and how she believes she may never have the answers as to why this is happening:
“I just couldn’t wrap my head around it and I didn’t know how I was going to do it. That she left the way she did. That’s how confusing and insidious mental illness is. You have to make peace with the truth that you don’t know. Sometimes there is no answer”.
She said her mother was an extremely “resolute” woman, no matter the situation – including the moments leading up to her death:
“Fired. Forgotten. A single white woman raising two children alone. About benefits and food stamps. She never gave up. So think about that and apply it to every stinking part of life, including death. Along with her determination to live, she was determined to die.”
So of course she gets what she wants. That makes sense. What didn’t make sense to Wynonna was why she wanted what she did:
“It’s hard to understand how one person can be so strong yet so vulnerable.”
Wynonna is still pushing, however, and plans to do The Judds: The Final Tour she and Naomi make plans on their own. She wants to continue her reunion tour to honor her late mother by doing what she loves most – sharing her music with the world.
The singer said she experienced a lot of regrets when her musical partner committed suicide, largely because she was on tour with her husband. Cactus Moser when the 76-year-old man’s mental health worsened:
“It was extremely painful for [my mom] because her favorite place is on the road and with me and [my sister] Ashley. She was alone a lot. And so we were disconnected. One of my regrets is that I was too busy. She often talks about what it’s like to be alone in that house without us.”
The Grandpa (Tell me about the good old days) The singer said she still finds things to be grateful for amid the tragedy, recalling the last time she saw her mother:
“The last thing I said to her was ‘I love you’ and I’m grateful for that. I was agree [Naomi’s passing] As much as I can, humans can. Accept it and let it go, and what comes after is finding meaning.”
The country star hopes sharing her story will help others in similar situations reach out if they need help. She continues to find strength in her family, faith and music – and she learns to be more compassionate and grateful for the little things:
“I have a saying on a t-shirt my mom wore in the ’70s that says, ‘Go on with Truckin.’ You woke up in hell? Continue the truck – and now I’m walking. When you deal with suicide, there’s a lot of mystery there. What was she thinking in her last moments, what made her say I was done? She is a poor child. However, she was done and she was in too much pain. I don’t know what to do with that except compassion. I will take every opportunity available to celebrate life because everything is a gift in this life. Your breath, your heart rate, the next day. Perhaps her greatest legacy is in the dark, in the light.”
Totally sensational! We’re glad Wynonna was able to find some light in the dark. Our hearts are constantly the Judd family.
If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), texting “STRENGTH” to the Line. crisis text at 741-741 or visit suicidepreventionlifeline.org.
[Image via MEGA/WENN/CBS Sunday Morning/YouTube]